I love the words kindness and compassion. Kindness and compassion for me is a strong will for well-being and development. I think everyone wants to develop and also contribute to the development of others if there is kindness and compassion. Kindness and compassion is one of the pillars of a development culture and in a feedback culture.
Words like trust and empathy in all glory. They are important words.
In many organizations I help to implement authentic core values (with the ambition that employees and leaders will feel participation in the process) has the word Trust as one of 3-5 core value words. If we have mutual trust, we have endless possibilities. However, I think that you can be a little too quick to choose Trust as a core value without thinking about how trust is created, how we can co-create trust and how it can be destroyed in a a few seconds.
Empathy is another nice and important word, I notice that many people have a different interpretation than I have. To me Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing. I have understood that some weigh in compassion and kindness in the word empathy – thats not in my definition. I have met researchers who even say that some psychopaths have empathy (though they have zero percent kindness and compassion and consideration for others.)
Back to kindness and compassion – If I know somebody wants me well, they can give me tough feedback to me because I know they want me and my development well. And then my trust grows to the other.
I wish organizations, relationships and the whole planet more kindness and compassion.
Conflicts happens all the time. In the absence of conflict management and constructive feedback … Over half of all the groups out there is, unfortunately, either in the forming or storming phase. When they could have it so much the better.
In order for a group to evolve the group needs good experiences from managing conflicts. If the the group know it can deal with conflict, then trust will start to grow.
Feedback academy has workshops for group development and are specialist to manage conflicts – small or big.
When I work with conflict management, I help the parties to that instead of expressing dissatisfaction / anger over problems rather express what needs they have.
“The manager is never present” -> “I need to know when I can talk to my boss”
“You always sneak away when there is a lot of work” -> “I want you to help me when there is a lot of work.”
“You are talking most of the time on our meetings” -> “I have a need to hear what others think, in our meetings and sometimes you talk a lot so the others will get time to express their thoughts. I therefore wish you could talk a little less at the meetings so the other also get some space.” (for me it’s both about to give way and to take place – it is therefore a shared responsibility.
And if the meeting has a facilitator, he/she also have a responsibility so everyone can be heard, as it often is 2-4 people that usually take 80% of broadcasting time on meetings).
Or in a relationship:
“You’re never at home, you are always with your buddies all the time” -> “I miss you and wish you were more at home with me” (and perhaps add if applicable, “I have a need to feel loved by you”)
When you go from transforming problems into needs, the direction is forward instead of backward.
Try to come to agreements around needs instead of fighting over problems.
That is more constructive and likely more successful.
In a development culture, development is natural.
In an judgemental culture on the other hand, we evaluate, judge and accuse each other. In a judgemental culture feedback is not beneficial.
When we have a development culture it will be easier to implement changes, create value and benefits that lead towards the organization’s vision and it is easier to build mutual trust. It is in a development culture that feedback fits in, it’s in a development culture where organisations gain when impelmetning a feedback culture. It is her where we from Feedback Academy comes in. To contribute to development at all levels.
A workshop or course feedback for the whole group is a first step to implement a feedback culture.
Sometimes when I get feedback that is not that pleasant to hear I might make the mistake to believe that what the other one is telling me is that I am no good. Then I might feel ashamed or feel worthless.
But usually the other person both likes me and thinks that in general I am a great college/partner/employee/friend or manager. The giver of the feedback just wants to help me to grow in a specific area or stop doing something that the giver is sensitive about.
So trust yourself – you are valuable as you are – and at the same time there will always be room for some improvements.